I Didn’t Become a Better Leader by Trying Harder
For a long time, I believed leadership worked like this:
decide the kind of leader you want to be, then apply more effort.
Be more present.
Be more supportive.
Be more decisive.
So when pressure increased, conversations became harder, or my energy dipped, my response was simple: try harder.
What I didn’t understand then — and what many leaders discover the hard way — is that effort alone doesn’t change how you lead. Under pressure, effort disappears. Habits don’t.
That realisation fundamentally changed how I think about leadership development.
Leadership habits matter more than effort
Most leaders care deeply about doing a good job. They want to show up well, support their teams, and make sound decisions.
Yet despite good intentions, the same patterns repeat.
Jumping in too quickly to solve problems.
Filling the silence in meetings.
Staying constantly available and mistaking responsiveness for leadership.
For a long time, I assumed these behaviours were simply part of who I was as a leader.
They weren’t.
They were habits.
Trying harder didn’t change them, because habits don’t respond to motivation. They respond to repetition.
How leadership identity is shaped over time
Leadership identity isn’t formed in strategy sessions, leadership programmes, or off-sites.
It’s formed in ordinary moments, repeated over time.
The tone you use when challenged.
How you respond when someone disagrees with you.
Whether you pause or react when things don’t go to plan.
These moments seem small, but they accumulate. Over time, they form patterns — and patterns become defaults.
That’s how leadership identity is built: not by declaration, but by practice.
Leadership behaviour under pressure
Pressure doesn’t change who you are as a leader.
It reveals what you’ve practised.
When stress rises, the brain defaults to familiar responses. That’s why leaders often revert to behaviours they know aren’t effective — interrupting, controlling, fixing, over-explaining — especially when the stakes are high.
This was uncomfortable for me to see in myself, but important.
Under pressure, I wasn’t choosing how to lead.
I was defaulting to what I’d rehearsed most.
Common leadership habits that hold people back
One habit I had to confront was my instinct to fix.
When someone brought me a problem, I went straight into solution mode. I believed I was being helpful and efficient.
In reality, I was training people to rely on me rather than think with me.
The impact wasn’t immediate. It showed up gradually:
less ownership
slower decision-making
heavier meetings
What changed things wasn’t a new mindset or a bold insight. It was a small behavioural shift.
I began replacing answers with questions.
Not perfectly. Not every time.
Just consistently enough to interrupt the old loop.
That single change altered how people showed up around me.
Can leaders change their behaviour?
Yes — but not through intensity or willpower.
Leadership behaviour changes when:
specific habits are identified (not personality traits)
alternative responses are practised in real situations
repetition happens in familiar contexts
I stopped asking, “What kind of leader do I want to be?”
and started asking, “What am I practising when things get difficult?”
That question made behaviour visible — and therefore changeable.
How I changed my leadership habits
Three shifts made the biggest difference for me:
1. I stopped aiming for transformation
Large, dramatic change rarely sticks. I focused on one or two behaviours that showed up reliably under pressure.
2. I worked with existing moments
Leadership habits live inside meetings, conversations, and decisions — not ideal scenarios. I redesigned behaviour where it already mattered.
3. I practised before it mattered most
I rehearsed new responses in low-stakes situations so they were available when pressure was high.
Leadership improved through practice, not performance.
Why leadership habits shape team culture
As responsibility grows, leadership behaviour carries more weight.
Your reactions become signals.
Your pace becomes permission.
Your habits become culture.
This is why many experienced leaders feel stuck. Their role has evolved, but their habits haven’t kept up.
What once made them effective now limits their impact.
How to improve leadership habits: a simple reflection
If you want to reflect on your own leadership habits, start here:
What do I default to when I’m under pressure?
Which behaviours repeat without conscious choice?
What small response could I practise differently this week?
You don’t need to change who you are.
You need to notice what you’re already rehearsing.
Leadership development is about practice, not motivation
Looking back, the leaders I respect most aren’t the ones who push the hardest.
They’re the ones who slow down, observe their patterns, and choose their responses deliberately.
Becoming a better leader didn’t come from trying harder.
It came from practising differently.
And that’s a skill any leader can learn.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why doesn’t trying harder make you a better leader?
Because effort collapses under pressure. When stress is high, the brain relies on habits, not intentions. Without changing habits, effort alone won’t change behaviour.
Can leadership habits really be changed?
Yes. Leadership habits can be changed through small, repeated behavioural shifts practised in real situations over time.
How long does it take to change leadership behaviour?
Meaningful change often begins within weeks, but lasting habit change depends on consistent practice in familiar contexts rather than intensity.
What is the most important leadership habit to work on first?
The habit that shows up most reliably under pressure. Start with the behaviour you default to when things feel tense or uncertain.
Is leadership identity fixed?
No. Leadership identity is shaped through repeated behaviour. Change the behaviour, and identity follows.
If you’re interested in working more deliberately with leadership habits and behaviour change, this is the foundation of how I work with leaders in my coaching practice.
